Names

Sometimes it’s extremely funny what names around you are.

Out side the GTB Station you’ll find a shop with the name plate “Maai Shoppee” written in devnagari on it. The shopkeeper probably wanted to name it “My Shoppee” in English but that’s a little dicey when you’re in Mr. Raj’s raj. So “Maai Shopee” now means “Mother Shop”, literally interpreted- a shop where you can buy mothers! I’m glad my mother rarely has to go to the GTB station. She usually travels only in cars and buses but the moment she comes to know of it, she’ll put herself up for sale over there. She desperately wants a different son!

One of my neighbors is Mr. Bias. He’s a judge.

The Hanuman temple on the hill around which my college is situated is called Pensioner Hanuman Mandir. I had an honest belief that lord Rama paid some kind of pension to the Hanuman in that Mandir for the devoted life long service that Hanuman did to him. However, one day I was told the name comes from the fact the all the pensioners in the city go to that temple for their morning walks! What a pity! So even after life long devoted service not even one Hanuman gets any pension! He should meet my friend Akshay. Akshay’s good with labour law.

All, and I mean almost all, photocopy shops are always named “Jalaram”, all raddi depots are always “Mahavir” raddi depots and all jeweler shops are always “Nakoda” jewelers. In fact, I’m so used to them that once I tried selling my raddi to a Mahavir Dairy because after reading Mahavir on the name plate I didn’t really care what else he’d written ahead! Finally, one day I asked one of the “Jalaram Xerox” owners why did they not name their shops after something else. He said Jalaram was their god and they believed in him for their business. I didn’t say anything to him but dude, I had no clue they had representative democracy with each god heading a trade union of a particular business in the heaven up there. I used to think all profit hungry people always worshipped Lakshmi, probably the finance minister.

My cousin, an MBA from Australia, is very annoyed that businessmen in India don’t really know how to ‘build brands’ or market themselves. Like in spite of being well known Jalaram, Nakoda, Mahavir etc. are still not brands, similarly, you find people naming their enterprises after weird things. Like one of the really famous (note: famous, not necessarily one of the better ones) builders in Pune, Mumbai and Nashik area- Haware Builders. Haware in Marathi means “Greedy”. Being greedy is a quality to be taken for granted amongst builders. Why would any builder want to particularly emphasize on it? But they do! Is it a wonder that they’re not one of the “better” builders then?

Then there are those parents give their sons and daughters the weirdest possible names. One of our peons named his son “Sangharsh”, meaning-a really bad fight. I don’t know if the baby was born after he had a fight with his wife or what, but dude, give the kid a break! You don’t need to haunt him with the thought that he was born out of a fight for the rest of his life! Or people who name their kids “Chhagan” or “Dhondu” or “Patang” for instance. Chhagan means waste, Dhondu means “resembling a stone” and Patang means the paper kite kids fly at the time of makar sankranti! Then there are those Mahabharat obsessed people who fill our country with Duryodhanas, Bheeshmas and Devakis. Guys! Duryodhana was the villain! Bheeshma never got the love of his mom and dad together, had a step mom of his own age and he promised her he wouldn’t marry and let her kids take over the kingdom after his dad. So in spite of being the oldest son, never got to be the king! Devaki spent half of her life incarcerated by her own brother who killed 7 of her children and even though the 8^th one did turn out to be Krishna, she didn’t get to bring him up!! Point being, the poor guys were unfortunate! Why would you call your kid any of these? But people do!

Then there are those names synonymous with regions and eras. Aishwarya for instance. To me at least, it’s a synonym for “south Indian girl”. I have 6 Aishwaryas on my phone book and except for one, all are south Indians! And beat this, coz it’s almost impossible to figure out which Aishwarya one is talking about, my friends add the name of the city as a suffix to the name. So the names now are like Aishwarya Cochin, Aishwarya Chennai, Aishwarya Lucknow, Aishwarya Jodhpur and Aishwarya Pune etc. Sounds like Aishwarya Tours & Travel Company’s menu to me! Or take Sachin or Sakshi for instance. All Sachins of Sachin Tendulkar’s age were named after the famous composer Sachin Dev Burman and all Sachins of my age are named after Sachin Tendulkar. So if someone on the phone says “I’m Sachin.” You can easily guess his age! He is in his Mid 20s or late 30s as of today. The name Sakshi became a rage after “Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki” released. So all Sakshis are between the ages of 8 and 10.

I even read in the paper once that this guy from the US named his son Reebok because he himself loves Reebok shoes so much! I wont be surprised even if he sells him later claiming to be the factory outlet!

I’ll tell you what, meet William Shakespeare in the heaven (or hell, as the case may be) when you’re dead and quote William Wordsworth to him: “What’s in the name?” and see the expression on his face! Point is simply this: There is A LOT in the name! So before you name, think!