We're on our bus back to the hostel after having done well at a Law Fest. I'm very happy happy with my performance before a lightening strikes. The lightening tells me the girl I've loved for the last three years has committed to someone else.
The first thought that comes to my mind?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I had expected myself to go hyper. To pull my hair out, to cry or to do something stupid. Instead, I just breath easy and for some reason my body starts sweating. Calm and composed for others, I just close my eyes and wait for us to reach the hostel. On reaching the hostel all I badly need is a strong cup of coffee. I tell my team mates I am going out for one. I have one and return home to concentrate on the finals on the next day. Nothing bothers me at all.
I don't know how I soaked such a huge shock in so easily. I had dreamed of her. I have loved her. Still do. I could have done anything for her in the madness of my love. As a person and a friend she had inspired me, changed me and changed me so much! Changing for her had never been a question. I could have changed anything if she'd wanted me to. How could I take such a shock in so easily?
It wasn't even that I had not told her about my feelings for her. I had on several occassions in several different ways and her answer had always been "Wait. We're too young still" and waiting I was.
Just watched this movie called "Dil Dosti etc." A character called Sanjay Mishra and his girlfriend (Forgot her name!) are madly in love before she betrays him. He can't believe the fact that she has betrayed and ultimately kills himself. Worst is the fact that he catches her red handed with one of his best friends. He dies and lives of both, his girlfriend and his friend just move on.
Once I had lost so many competitions so badly. Today I find myself on the verge of winning but there's so much difference in the way I wait for results. Earlier I wanted to WIN! and after putting in so many efforts I just couldnt take in that there could be any other result. Today when I'm waiting for results, frankly, I just dont care. The attitude is "I have done what I could. Have learnt alot in doing it, have enjoyed doing it so much. Anything else hardly matters."
The point I'm trying to make is just this. Sometimes we give too much importance to too many trifles in our lives. Trifles we could have done without, trifles we can do without. So whether she says a yes or no next time you ask her, whether you win or lose a competition after putting in nights of oil or whether the person you love the most dies, it's just a trifle we've been giving too much importance to. Do what you can do when you can do it and leave the rest upto Him because nothing is as important as you think it is.
The Happy Prince.
