Let’s take a situation. He is an average Indian husband and she, an average Indian wife. He comes home from work. Tired. She’s come just before him and has changed into easy casuals one usually wears at home. They’ve a kid. It has just started walking. It walks but falls very often. It has just fallen and she’s just nursed him. It took her about half an hour to do that. She’s tired too, still she asks him for tea. He says he wants it. Then she cooks for him and asks about dinner. He says he’ll have it at home. She cooks a full meal too. Now she’s exhausted.
Earlier in the morning they’d decided to drive about 200 kms to her friend’s wedding. It is supposed to happen the next day. He had asked her to be ready when he came. She was. But when she saw her husband’s state of energy she decided not to remind him of it. However, he still remembers because he’s fond of driving and they have just bought a new car.
He asks “When’re we leaving?” She says we’ll leave soon and gets busy with the kid, utensils and the kitchen while he prods through the maze of TV channels. An hour later he asks “Are we leaving or not?” she says “Its not necessary that we go.” She’s just concerned. Her husband is tired.
Sometime later he asks her again “Do you want to go or not?” Again she says “Its not necessary that we go.” That’s not the questions says he. “Do you want to or not?” Again replies she “Its not necessary…”
Then they have a fight. He didn’t understand she was only caring for him. She didn’t understand he only wanted an answer. A “Yes” or a “No”
He didn’t understand she is tired too, she didn’t understand her husband loves driving. He wouldn’t want to miss a chance.
What do you think would have happened if this had been the case:
He comes home from work. Tired. She asks him for tea. He says he wants it. She cooks it for him. She asks whether he wants to dine at home. He gets up from infront of the TV and helps her around in the kitchen. They dine together. Clean together. Then he asks her about the trip. She says she wants to go if he's not tired. They go for the drive.
OR
She says "I'm tired too, let's not go." And they don't go for the drive.
No arguments. No loud voices. A simple regular conversation.
Most problems are mere misunderstandings. A little obervance and empathy is all that is needed.
The Happy Prince...
TH Prince
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Relationships...
“When you know you’ll always have me on your side how does it matter what we call our relationship? I can’t tell you I feel “this” about you, but yes, you mean a lot to me.
It’s the relationship that matters Prince, not the name we give to it.”
Reads a line in one of my very close friend’s email. The mail is about 2 yrs old now. I have still kept it in my inbox. At the time I received it I did not have the maturity either to gauge or even to understand its meaning. Today I know what she meant.
I watched the movie Just Married only because I wanted to watch a movie after my exams and Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd just because I wanted to know how the Showcase feature of my new Tata Sky connection at home worked. Judging them by their entertainment value or presentation nothing could have been worse but they taught me something.
Both movies show married couples. They’re husbands and wives to their spouses. A relation that has been defined by the society. I don’t have to explain anything to anyone when I say “This is my wife/husband.” They nod as if they understand it. But do they? I don’t have to explain anything when I say “This is my friend.” But what is friendship? And who decided on the definition if anyone did?
Both movies show married couples but they have so many different relations amongst them. Fardeen Khan and Esha Deol for example play married strangers, Rahul Deol and his co-star play friends who have sex. Boman Irani and Shabana Azmi play friends who don’t have sex but just enjoy being together at 60. Kay Kay Menon and Raima Sen play a conservative husband and a modern wife and yet they understand each other. They disagree but get along amazingly well.
All along I’ve troubled my above friend asking her “What is friendship?” One fine day she got fed up of me and stopped replying. Then I checked several dictionaries. All dictionaries defined “friend” like “A person you know and like.” Or “A person you have common interests with.” Yes, I know my friend and because she’s my best friend it’s obvious I like her a lot, we have common interests too but I have all these with so many other people. I certainly don’t have the same relation with them for sure!
Surely, what’s in the name? Its the relationship that matters!!
It’s the relationship that matters Prince, not the name we give to it.”
Reads a line in one of my very close friend’s email. The mail is about 2 yrs old now. I have still kept it in my inbox. At the time I received it I did not have the maturity either to gauge or even to understand its meaning. Today I know what she meant.
I watched the movie Just Married only because I wanted to watch a movie after my exams and Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd just because I wanted to know how the Showcase feature of my new Tata Sky connection at home worked. Judging them by their entertainment value or presentation nothing could have been worse but they taught me something.
Both movies show married couples. They’re husbands and wives to their spouses. A relation that has been defined by the society. I don’t have to explain anything to anyone when I say “This is my wife/husband.” They nod as if they understand it. But do they? I don’t have to explain anything when I say “This is my friend.” But what is friendship? And who decided on the definition if anyone did?
Both movies show married couples but they have so many different relations amongst them. Fardeen Khan and Esha Deol for example play married strangers, Rahul Deol and his co-star play friends who have sex. Boman Irani and Shabana Azmi play friends who don’t have sex but just enjoy being together at 60. Kay Kay Menon and Raima Sen play a conservative husband and a modern wife and yet they understand each other. They disagree but get along amazingly well.
All along I’ve troubled my above friend asking her “What is friendship?” One fine day she got fed up of me and stopped replying. Then I checked several dictionaries. All dictionaries defined “friend” like “A person you know and like.” Or “A person you have common interests with.” Yes, I know my friend and because she’s my best friend it’s obvious I like her a lot, we have common interests too but I have all these with so many other people. I certainly don’t have the same relation with them for sure!
Surely, what’s in the name? Its the relationship that matters!!
Friday, July 13, 2007
"Winning..."
Like all other kids he played "underarm" cricket with tennis balls in the lanes of Bombay. Like all other kids he was average at studies. Hardly ever did he cross seventy percent in his exams. Then one day his elder brother asked him, "Would you like to play cricket for a living?" He was only 13 then. Hardly did he know what he was doing. His brother was good cricketeer but had bad health. So "Brother knows the best" he thought and answered a "Yes."
So the next day he started his formal cricket coahing. He was the worst batsman in their class for the first 2 weeks. His coach called his brother and told him that the boy had no future in cricket. "No!" Protested his brother. "I've seen him playing and I know this is not the way he usually plays. Give him time sir. Please."
There was no improvement in the third week too. Finally the brother went to the boy and told him. "Are you sure this is what you want to do all your life?" This time the boy thought for a night. The next day he said "Yes, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life."
After that he worked hard. Day and night. He worked upto 16 hours a day. He never won a single best batsman award for the first year. In the second year he showed some promises. In the third he expected some of the biggest awards as the best batsman but managed to get only the trifle ones. He never got any of the bigger ones.
Then one day he was picked up in the Indian Cricket Team. He became the youngest player ever to be picked up. He was very average for the first few games. But he went on facing 6 ft dark monsters of West Indies and White monsters of Austrailia with his frail figure.
Its been 18 years since then. Today he holds the following records:
1. Maximum number of centuries
2. Maximum number of runs
3. Maximum number of "Man of the Match" awards
4. Youngest Captain ever
5. Played the highest number of matches.
He's still there. Fit and Fine. I don't have to tell you he is Sachin Tendulkar.
Imagine what would have happened if he'd given up in the first week? First month? Or when inspite of deserving didnt get any of the bigger awards?
He'd never have won the highest honor for a sportsman in India. The Arjuna Award. He'd never be the best batsman ever. He'd never be Sachin Tendulkar.
Winning is not about "Today" or "Now." Winning is long term. Winning is not about a competition. Winning is about an entire life. Winning is not being "better than others." Winning is about being at "your best."
Win!
The Happy Prince
So the next day he started his formal cricket coahing. He was the worst batsman in their class for the first 2 weeks. His coach called his brother and told him that the boy had no future in cricket. "No!" Protested his brother. "I've seen him playing and I know this is not the way he usually plays. Give him time sir. Please."
There was no improvement in the third week too. Finally the brother went to the boy and told him. "Are you sure this is what you want to do all your life?" This time the boy thought for a night. The next day he said "Yes, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life."
After that he worked hard. Day and night. He worked upto 16 hours a day. He never won a single best batsman award for the first year. In the second year he showed some promises. In the third he expected some of the biggest awards as the best batsman but managed to get only the trifle ones. He never got any of the bigger ones.
Then one day he was picked up in the Indian Cricket Team. He became the youngest player ever to be picked up. He was very average for the first few games. But he went on facing 6 ft dark monsters of West Indies and White monsters of Austrailia with his frail figure.
Its been 18 years since then. Today he holds the following records:
1. Maximum number of centuries
2. Maximum number of runs
3. Maximum number of "Man of the Match" awards
4. Youngest Captain ever
5. Played the highest number of matches.
He's still there. Fit and Fine. I don't have to tell you he is Sachin Tendulkar.
Imagine what would have happened if he'd given up in the first week? First month? Or when inspite of deserving didnt get any of the bigger awards?
He'd never have won the highest honor for a sportsman in India. The Arjuna Award. He'd never be the best batsman ever. He'd never be Sachin Tendulkar.
Winning is not about "Today" or "Now." Winning is long term. Winning is not about a competition. Winning is about an entire life. Winning is not being "better than others." Winning is about being at "your best."
Win!
The Happy Prince
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